here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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