It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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