maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize