maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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