I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
