Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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