dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
