I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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