1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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