I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
