For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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