did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
