dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
