This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize