How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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