Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
