Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
