I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
