Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize