I'm pants shitting drunk right now
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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