Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize