And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
