The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
