Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
