Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
