Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
