If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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