Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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