He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
