Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
