i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
