he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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