Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
