I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
