My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
