Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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