Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
