If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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