why didn't you poke me back
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
