can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
