For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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