dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize