We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
