Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
