wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
