gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
