Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
