hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
