If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
