I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize