if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My butt remains clenched, sir.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
