What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
