my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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