i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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