Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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