someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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