I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
