Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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