Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize