I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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