At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
