opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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