I can tuck mytits in my pants
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
