What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
