And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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