She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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