My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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