Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
