He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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