I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
