So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
