Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize