ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
