brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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