i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
