So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
