Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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