Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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