Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
