YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
