So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
